SonicBob FastPants: Rise of Destiny
by CooperInThePooper
Summary: Sonic used to be the fastest thing alive. That was until one fateful day, when a new hedgehog suddenly came to challenge him: SpongeBob SquarePants. Sonic's fight against Robotnik's tyrannical empire may soon come to an end when challenged like this... will he succeed? Will he defeat Robotnik's empire and stop his rival SpongeBob? FIND OUT!
1. Chapter I: (Sega) Genesis

Spongebob stared out over Green Hill Zone. The wind blew against the bright green grass and through the rolling hills and loopity loops.

"I'm ready!" said Spongebob, getting ready to run.

His feet suddenly formed a perfect eight, revving up as he sped across the track. His mouth hung open, revealing his buck ass teeth. He giggled as he broke the sound barrier, heat formed all around him as he went faster than even sound. It seemed as though he may soon approach proto-light speed, just under light speed itself. He tried to push himself, when suddenly; everything around him went from a blurred mess to colorless. Everything slowly turned white the faster he went, but it did not go further. He started to slow down, and once he could see again, he jumped through the large golden ring spinning before him. He did a triple-flip in mid-air before landing on his feet. Spongebob had done it, he had reached proto-light speed. He was so proud of himself that day. That day…

A storm approached. Lightning crashed through the black clouds against the blood red sky. They struck the enormous obsidian bricks of the great castle upon the mountain, which were undamaged. Inside the castle, a half-insect half-robot chimera came through the enormous black doors of the throne room. Upon his massive throne the King turned to face him. From his lips emerged a single, bone-chilling word:

"PINGAS!"

King Robotnik looked as though he was melting upon his throne. His body was made of miles and miles of fat rolls. His arms and legs did not exist, only tiny stubs of hands and feet. His face became a part of his body, his neck no longer existed. His clothes stretched to fit, but his fatness was immense. His glasses were very small, but still totally covered his eyes. And he demanded to know what the meaning of this intrusion was.

"SIR, A BEING HAS BROKEN THE PROTO-LIGHT BARRIER… HE MAY SOON BREAK LIGHT SPEED."

"PINGAS!" yelled King Robotnik.

"SIR, WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DEPLOY… MS111?"

King Robotnik made no expression, or if he did, it was invisible through his rolls. It seemed as if he were in deep thought, channeling his intellect of level three hundred, collected from season upon season of Rick and Morty. He brought together all his brain cells, channeling his inner Einstein and Tesla, trying desperately to come to a decision. Then as if all the planets had aligned; he came finally to a response as to solve all the problems of the world and then some:

"PINGAS!"

The lighting destroyed the castle. Waves ruptured, the earth cracked. Demons circled every corner or the globe, spiders rained form the high heavens, dogs and cats moved in together, mass fucking hysteria, gay frogs put chemtrails in the water and turned the demon Hillary globalists gay. Nothing could surpass this; this was the lovechild of God and Jesus, this response I mean. This response coul end all existence simply by its very utterance. I am literally cumming at the thought of this FUCKING word. I'm gonna shit myself out, I can't process this. God, what is life? WHT THE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Knuckles had a smile from cheek to cheek. His eyes were cheerful, as he ate strawberries. One hand in the bowl, the other stroking his extended belly, this hand gripped by another of a similar state.

"I cannot believe he is already three months of development within your stomach," said Sonic to his boyfriend Knuckles.

"Yes… I yearn to have your blue penis in my tight ass again, Sonic," Knuckles told his blue boyfriend.

"I as well lover, I as well," said Sonic.

Sonic stuck his tongue down Knuckle's throat, gagging the echidna. He licked the mucous lining it, as he pulled down Knuckles' diaper and began jacking off his four penises simultaneously. Sonic took a shit as he climbed onto Knuckles, planning to fuck his pregnant pussy. Just as he got hard, he heard a yell in the distance. The two looked over and saw Tails flying frantically toward them, yelling Sonic's name. Tails landed and quickly ran over to Sonic.

"Sonic Sonic, it's urgent!" said the fox.

"Hey Tails! Say, your estrogen pills are really taking effect!" said Sonic, noting Tails' development of large, fur-covered breasts.

"That's not important now, Sonic! I just got news that another hedgehog just broke the proto-light barrier!"

"Wh- what?" said Sonic in shock, Knuckles sitting up as well.

"It's all over CNN, check it out!" said Tails.

"Nah Tails, I don't read FAKE NEWS CNN! I'm a Conservative, after all! Is it on Fox News by any chance?" said Sonic with his arms crossed.

"B- but Sonic! Fox News promoted the United States invading the Islamic State of Afghanistan following the September 11th 2001 terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in New York City, despite none of the nineteen terrorists involved having any connection to the state in itself, and that if any state is to be blamed for attacking the United States on that fateful day, it should be Saudi Arabia, as it was where the majority of the terrorists were from and operated from initially, not to mention the fact that Saudi Arabia was-"

"Tails! Just get the article!" Sonic interrupted.

"Here it is, Sonic!" said Tails, "'A yellow Hedgehog has recently broken the so-called "Proto-Light Barrier," meaning the actual light barrier may soon be broken. Many analysts say that this development could put the United States and their greatest ally Israel at risk, should Iran get a hold of this Hedgehog and create a nuclear bomb from it.'"

"W- woah! Tails, we gotta stop Iran! Israel is in danger!" warned Sonic.

"B- but Sonic! What indication is there that Iran would attack Israel?" asked Tails.

"Tails! What are you, an Anti-Semite? Quick, let's go save Israel!" said Sonic.

The three assembled and made for Tails' plane, and started it up. They made for the skies, and made their way for Green Hill Zone.

TO BE CONTINUED…


	2. Chapter II: Semitic Showdown

Spongebob was fucked. All around him were familiar faces, those of insect-robot chimeras. They surrounded him, ready to strike. Their blades were drawn and ready to strike. They were ready to strike, their blades drawn, ready to strike. Spongebob was fucked.

Suddenly, they struck. Spongebob quickly jumped into the air, letting them crash into each other. Though they retained some cuts, they were still ready to strike. Spongebob did a spin in the air, and did his homing attack on one of the robots. Though once he landed, the robots came for him, ready to strike. He started running, realizing he would not be able to win this fight. He quickly built up his speed, and made his way across the chemical plant.

Suddenly he stopped. All around him, the floor began to collapse. The walls closed in around him, and he realized he had run right into a trap. A figure emerged from the distance. It was a large, imposing figure, like that of a big based black man. He emerged, saying a single word:

"Ich bin ein mann hosen, nigga!"

It was black Hitler, one of Spongebob's old enemies. He wore a long black coat over his sandy military uniform, and in his hand was a gun: held sideways and pointed directly at Spongebob. He fired a shot, though Spongebob was able to roll out of the way. Spongebob began running around the cylindrical room, barely dodging Hitler's barrage of bullets.

"Saugen Sie meinen fetten Nazischwanz, Schwammfick!" said black Hitler, though Spongebob ignored him.

Spongebob managed to homing attack black Hitler, throwing him to the floor. Hitler did a blackflip and came back to his feet, and released yet another barrage of bullets toward Spongebob. Spongebob got in another homing attack, though Hitler managed to avoid falling down this time. Finally, one of Hitler's bullets struck Spongebob… right in the dick.

Spongebob collapsed. Hitler stomped up to him, putting the gun against his temple. Just as he was about to pull the trigger and kill Spongebob, an advisor came running toward him with many papers.

"Mein Führer! Zie Sovietz has invadez zie Poland! Zey are comingz for zey Berlin!"

Black Hitler clenched his teeth together. He pulled the gun away from Spongebob, and began stomping his feet as he started to cry. He cried chocolate milk. It was not long before he put the gun to his temple, yelling one last "NIGGA!" as he pulled the trigger and fucking killed himself.

JERUSALEM, ISRAEL

Sonic Tails and Knuckles had finally come to Jerusalem following their long journey across Europe. Sonic marveled at the Jewish architecture, while Tails and Knuckles couldn't give less of a shit. As they came closer to the border with Palestine, Sonic was suddenly met with a man in a turban standing before him. The man had light brown skin and short black stubble on his face.

"AHH! TERRORIST!" yelled Sonic in fright of the man.

"Ahh, what?" responded the man in confusion.

"IMA KILL YOU BEFORE YOU BLOW UP ISRAEL!" yelled Sonic, charging his spin-dash.

"Mister Hedgehog, I am a citizen of Israel! You must understand, I am no supporter of terror against my glorious country!"

"SHUT UP, GOAT-FUCKER!" yelled Sonic again, "TIME FOR CRUSADE PART 2!"

Sonic released his spin-dash. He came tumbling towards the man, who screamed in fright and barely managed to jump out of the way. Sonic stopped and came to face him again.

"Please! I LOVE Israel! You must listen to reason, Mister Hedgehog!"

"IF YOU LOVE ISRAEL SO MUCH, WHY ARE YOU A MUSLIM?!" asked Sonic.

"I worship Allah, sir! Allah, the man these Jews call Yahweh!"

"NO FUCKER! ALLAH IS SATAN!" yelled Sonic, getting ready for a homing attack.

"Please sir! I only wish for peace between Israel and Palestine!" begged the man.

"DEUS VULT, THIS IS REVENGE FOR 9/11, TOWEL-CUNT!" yelled Sonic, jumping in the air. He charged toward the man, destroying him. The people around were outraged. They tried to surround the animals, and already police were on the way. The people detained them, and soon police came to put them in handcuffs. They were dragged away.

The hedgehogs awoke in the center of a circular room. It was totally white, and they were surrounded by men in all-white uniforms with large blue Stars-of-David on their chests. They held big white whacky-thingies.

"W-where are we?" asked Sonic.

The group parted in front of them, allowing a black-cloaked man to approach. He stood silent for just a second, before slowly pulling back his hood.

"SAHNIC!"

It was Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. He had a wide smile stretching from cheek to cheek, and his hands were at first outstretched to his sides, before slapping them down perfectly to his thighs. He stared at Sonic, who suddenly gained a smirk across his lips.

"Ben!" yelled Sonic, eager to meet his hero.

"Ahnd I got somewahn here too meet you!" responded Netanyahu, stepping to the side. A figure came through the gap dressed in similar attire to the Prime Minister. He pulled back his hood and stretched his arms to his sides.

"Saenic!"

Ben Shapiro had a goofy smile on his face. His hair was perfectly combed around his navy blue yamakah, and under his cloak he wore a blue and white plaid button-up, tucked into his high jeans and secured with a tight brown belt. He slapped his hands down to his thighs as Netanyahu did.

"Thes is my son, Sahnic," said Netanyahu, "Ahnd he's ready to support you in ahnything you do, so lahng ahs it aids Israhel."

"W-woah! I fucking love Ben!" said Sonic.

"He's the Hebrew Hurricane!" said Knuckles.

"He's gonna own some libtards!" said Tails.

"Thaet's reight!" said Shapiro.

"Tohgether, I thenk the four of you cahn accahmplesh ahnything," said Netanyahu, "Good luck!"

"Yeah!- wait what are we supposed to do?" asked Sonic.

"Whaht do you mean?" asked Netanyahu, "destroy Irahn ahf coarse!"

"Ekk, ei haete eiraen," said Shapiro.

"Me too, son," said Netanyahu, patting him on the shoulder before leaning in to kiss him on the lips.

The guards freed the animals, as they along with their new friend Ben Shapiro set out to save Israel from Iran's aggression.


	3. Chapter III: Ben's Premonition

BEIRUT, LEBANON

Knuckles' fists smashed against the floor. His teeth ground together, his eyes were clenched tight together as he let out a bone-chilling scream through said teeth. His enormous, pregnant belly rubbed against the floor, and his ass was stuck high in the air, penetrated by a veiny blue cock.

"Woah! Knuckles! Your ass is tighter than usual!" said Sonic enthusiastically, still humping his red ass.

"SNNIC! I CNNT TK NNY MRRE!" Knuckles screamed through his teeth.

"Hold on Knuckles! I'm about to cum!" said Sonic.

"SNNIC! STTPP!" Knuckles screamed in utter pain and agony.

Sonic suddenly burst a sweaty load into Knuckles' echidna ass. He continued buttfucking his boyfriend as the cum poured out, cocking his head back and screaming as he did so. Finally he pulled out, cum still dripping from his dickhole. Knuckles stayed on the floor, crying from the pain of the sex. Sonic rubbed him on the back, just as Tails and Ben Shapiro came running in.

"Saenic, wee haev to get goeing, the truck's naet gunna bee heer ferr laeng!" warned Shapiro.

"Oh, shit!" said a surprised Sonic, "I better get cleaned up! Knuckles! Get up, pussy!"

Knuckles was still crying, though slowly started getting up at Sonic's command. Sonic kicked his pregnant belly in attempt to hurry him up, which it did. Knuckles got on his knees before Sonic and began sucking off his fat blue cock. Knuckles made extremely sexual moans accompanied by his tears and whimpers. Finally he had swallowed the last of the leftover cum, and cleaned off the rest of the spit with his tongue.

Sonic pulled on his socks and gloves, before putting on his shoes. His abnormally huge cock had receded back into barely being visible, and he was ready for the journey. Knuckles had done the same, though he also wore a fresh diaper and a long, thin sundress.

The four left the apartment building, and Sonic saw that all their stuff was waiting on the front porch, all packed into suitcases. Sonic grabbed the handles of his two suitcases, which were pink with green handles, and followed Tails and Ben toward the truck.

The truck was a simple military truck, painted in basic sandy camouflage. There were already some suitcases packed on the back, and in the front seats were two men: a driver and his bitch. The driver was a dark-skinned man, wearing a white tank top and camouflage shorts. He had a white headband wrapped around his semi-long black hair, as well as a black yamakah that blended with his hair.

The bitch was a small, skinny white man. He had creases all around his eyes, demonstrating his age, as well as buzz-cut brown hair. His lips were very pronounced, as was his nose. He wore the same clothes as the driver, but which were far too big for his frame. He had big brown boots, same as the driver, tied with many wrapping laces and with metal toes and soles.

"All aboard the Jew mobile," said the driver in his grungy, rough voice.

"Yeah, get on sillies!" said the bitch, with a very joyful and very gay voice.

The four came over and began packing their bags on top of the others.

"Yeu ready ferr this?" Shapiro asked Sonic in his signature nasally tone.

"Hey, if it protects Israel, I'm ready for anything!" proclaimed Sonic, giving a thumbs-up.

The two laughed with their eyes shut (like in those weird "animay" things my kids are always watchin') as the last of the bags were secured to the truck. The four got into the back seats, Knuckles and Tails taking the seats themselves, while Sonic and Ben sat on the trunk above them.

"All readies you big goofies?" asked the bitch.

"Ready as Israel is to defend itself from terrorism!" said Sonic.

The group all laughed as a whole as the truck sped down the dirt road. They drove down the winding roads until coming off the hill, and quickly got onto the flat road heading eastward. The trees slowly disappeared, as they rode into the open desert. Many hours passed, and still the backdrop was entirely the same.

"Are we in Iran yet?" asked Tails.

"We're just comin' into Syria now, little fox dude," said the driver, still focused on the road.

"Syria? Why are we going to Syria?" asked Tails.

"How the hell do you think we get from Lebanon to Iran?" asked the driver.

"By crossing the border!" said Tails.

"Lebanon doesn't border Iran, stupid!" interrupted Knuckles.

"Thank God! Then they'd be just miles away from Israel!" said Sonic.

"The shortest path takes us through Iraq and Syria, so-" the driver was interrupted.

"Wait! Iraq and Syria? Does that mean-" now Sonic was interrupted.

"ISIS…" said Ben, still staring behind them into the distance. "They'll sherlee trei aend keel us, wee must bee caerfil." Ben had a very serious tone to his voice, and it seemed as if he were attempting a hint of a Batman impression.

"What if they c-catch us?" asked a very worried Tails, hands on breasts.

"Oenlee Yahweh knoews…" warned Ben, still staring out into the sunset.

Tails had already dosed off as night came, Knuckles spooning his naked body. Sonic laid down where he was standing and started to dose off, though Ben still continued to stare, expressionless, standing straight with his arms crossed. The driver let out a large, womanly whimper as he came into the bitch's mouth, whom had been sucking him off for the past fifteen-to-twenty minutes. The cum covered the back of the bitch's throat, which he didn't bother to clean as he began stripping off his clothes to go to sleep.

Ben continued to stare toward the night sky. He had no expression on the outside, but inside he was filled with conflict. Does he continue to fight with the animal warriors in defense of Israel? Does he give in to the Muslims, giving up everything he fought for his entire existence in exchange for safety? But if he did that… he wouldn't even be safe. The Muslims would surely murder him for no other reason than being one of God's chosen people. He knew he had to keep fighting, keep fighting until every last Muslim was fuckin' dead.

As he stared out in the cloudy distance, something began to form. The clouds twisted and turned, as what seemed to be a face slowly formed. Suddenly, it spoke.

"Behn," it said.

"Faether…" replied Shapiro.

"Behn… I knoh you cahn do et. You cahn destroy Irahn. You jhust need toh beleve en yahrself…"

"Dad…"

"Behn… nehver give up. Irahn cahnnot succeed soh lahng as Israhel cohntinues toh rehsist. Ahnd you're ah pahrt of thaht struggle. Beleve in yahrself, ahnd Irahn will soon fahll…"

Ben had a surprised look on his face at first, but his eyes soon went to normal and a warm smile came across his face.

"Thanks Dad."

The cloudy face gained a similar smile, as it began to disappear.

"Beleve Behn… Beleeeeeeevvvvvvvvveee…"


	4. Chapter IV: Battle of Damascus

OVAL OFFICE, WHITE HOUSE, WASHINGTON DC, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, NORTH AMERICA, WESTERN HEMISPHERE, PLANET EARTH, MILKY WAY GALAXY, THE UNIVERSE

"Dammit Johnson, why can't you listen?"

President Trump was furious. His skin turned a pleasant scarlet hue, though wrinkled and furled from his utter anger with the situation at hand. His fists slammed the desk, papers flew everywhere. Advisors surrounded him, all with bowed legs and worried faces, and some even with poopy diapers (yum).

"Mister President! You have to do something!" demanded SpongeBob.

"I can't!" replied a weak Trump, burying his face in his forearms.

"Mister President! You have to defend democracy!" cried SpongeBob.

"I can't!" replied a weak Trump, again burying his face in his forearms.

"But Mister President! You have to do something!" demanded SpongeBob.

"I can't!" replied a weak Trump, once again burying his face in his forearms.

"But Mister President! What will happen to your approval ratings?" asked the spongey boy.

"What can I do? They'll go down no matter what I do!"

Trump was crying now. He bawled into his forearms upon his desk, unable to act without negatively affecting his God-damn approval ratings. WHAT WAS HE TO DO?!

Then SpongeBob had an idea.

"Mister President… what if your WIFE was to demand you take action?" he questioned.

The President sniffled. Steve Mnuchin was patting him on the back, though pulled away as the President looked up.

"*sniffle* Ohkaey."

The guards pulled the doors open, and Melania barged in, ducking under the doorway. Her immense muscles barely fit in the room, and her head would break through the roof if she wasn't ducking.

"DAHNALD… DOO SAHMTHENG."

Her voice was deep as shit, sounding an awful lot like a big based black man.

"Oh Melania… I yearn to caress your soft yet tough muscles in bed again… I wish for your great cock to enter my ass again, for your supple butt to scrape the golden roof of my New York suite. And if you can promise me that, that your love will enter my butt again… I will act," said the Donny Bonny.

And so the Donald stood before his fuckin big ass wife, and with the stroke of a pen, approved Congress's bill to order some pizzas during the current Democratic filibuster.

The walls began to shake. The floors rumbled, Melania felt her muscles tighten, exposing her big fucking veins. The ceiling cracked, the world ruptured, all culminating as it suddenly calmed, and the Donald got a Twitter notification. He scrolled through his Twitter with a look of utter despair on his face.

"What is it silly-goose?" asked Mike Pence.

The Donald took in a big breath of air.

"CNN: 'TRUMP INITIATES WORLD WAR 3.' MSNBC: 'TRUMP WASTES BILLIONS OF TAXPAYER DOLLARS ON DELICACIES.' 'NEW YORK TIMES: TRUMP ORDERS PIZZAS FOR CONGRESS, PROVING RUSSIAN COLLUSION ONCE AND FOR ALL.'"

"Daaammnnn…" said SpongeBob.

Donald started to cry into his forearms again.

"I'M RUINED!" Donald screamed.

"NNNNIFNI9W2OFNI0WEFPGOINEWRNGUERNPBVBNEURBVIPS" warned SpongeBob.

"YOU'RE FUCKING RIGHT SPONGEBOB! GOD HELP US ALL! WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO!?"

"H9[-0—0-2-J294F0QNPOEFVI0EPV0J439AP'PVMAS=M04J239R" warned SpongeBob.

"YOU'RE FUCKING RIGHT SPONGEBOB! GOD HELP US ALL! WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO!?"

"b23b^#&HB$#Bu4bv437vb34iunN*&#B)IVP#NVBO#pvoIBVU$vknjlIWDUOGVIHB#&*" screamed SpongeBob.

"YBNF3 bo*yiuvn#iyuoj#$nfuokijw*hf$#$buekm###n$fiub#$*&(jwih*Bbcfyb3u4inC#uvibouh3v" the Donald yelled at the top of his fucking lungs.

"EEEE3EE3E3E3EE3E3E3EE3E3E3EE3EE3E3EE3E3E3EE3E3E3" warned Steve Mnuchin.

"OOOO03000O0O0OO0O0OO0POL0KI203OR204JGF9J43N9GEIbyb$#b*&(b#$y" cried Ben Carson.

"44HBF#$*hf*#hb$yfb#i$PORCUPINE$SHITbyb$#*&(bfy*$#bvu#$" demanded Mike Pence.

SpongeBob revved up his lungs into an eight, and GOT OUTTA THERE! He realized America would be no help in his fight.

WESTERN SYRIA

"Are we there yet?" asked Tails, just waking in the bright Syrian morning.

"We're coming up on DamascOOOHH MY GOD!," said the Driver, suddenly interrupted by the bitch sucking his cock.

"What's Damascohmygod?" questioned Tails.

"Oh fuck! Jesus bitch, I'm gonna cum! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my GoOOOAARRGHGHH JESUS," said the driver, suddenly cumming into the bitch's mouth.

"Damascus…" said Ben, again standing straight on the back of the truck, arms crossed and him staring out behind them into the open, "We'd better be careful."

Sonic suddenly awoke, as did Knuckles.

"Crap, I need to change my diaper," warned Knuckles.

"Alright big boy, get up here," Sonic told him.

Knuckles climbed up onto the trunk, and spread his legs before Sonic. Sonic undid the pin and pulled off Knuckles' diaper, which was filled with yellow shit. He threw the diaper out of the truck, and realized he had none available.

"Tails! Do we have any diapers with us?" asked Sonic.

"Yea we- oh wait! Shit, we forgot them!" realized Tails.

"Shit!" said Sonic.

Knuckles started crying, as did Sonic and Tails, soon even the bitch and then the driver. Ben stayed stern and ever watchful.

"*sniffle* We're coming up on Damascus *sniffle* now," said the driver.

Damascus was really really big. There were lotsa buildings, and lotsa sand and people and stuff. They came down the main road of the city, everyone watching them. As they drove through the destroyed buildings and rubble, they suddenly heard a very loud yell.

"ALLAH AKBAR!"

A rocket came toward them. The truck blew up, killing the bitch and driver instantly. Ben did a major backflip, landing in a superhero pose, as he glared at the terrorist responsible. Ben did a mad dash toward the man, who started running the other way. Ben threw himself over the wreckage, and continued dashing to catch him.

The man turned the corner, Ben followed, still close on his tail. Ben started screaming as he ran, desperate to catch the man responsible. His shoes began to disintegrate from his sheer speed, though the terrorist was just too fast. They dodged many buildings and people and camels and stands and benches and all this stuff, but Ben could not catch him.

Suddenly, everything started to go white around Ben. It all shocked his eyes, but still he ran. And it all came to a head as he smashed into the terrorist, creating a massive crater in the wall before them. Ben pulled off the terrorist's turban, and choked him to death with it. The locals surrounded him, amazed at his feat.

"Mister Jew man," asked a nearby little boy, "did you just approach proto-light speed, the only scientifically perceived-of speed physically possible to be achieved by a living organism; the speed just under light speed, and the speed which has only been reached by one other being: that of SpongeBob the Hedgehog?"

Ben suddenly came to that realization. He had just broken the proto-light barrier. What could this mean?

Ben wasn't dealin'. He revved up his legs into an eight and GOT OUTTA THERE! He quickly made his way back to the van, just as the three animals were getting up.

"B-Ben! Your legs!" said Tails, shocked at Shapiro's speed.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say Ben is really… a hedgehog!" said Sonic.

"Ben Shapiro the Hedgehog…" said Knuckles, looking at the ground.

"Appaerentlee Ei broeke the proeto-leight baerrier… Ei just meight bee a hedgehaeg aefter aell…" said Ben.

"PROTO-LIGHT BARRIER?!" cried all three animals in unison.

"Wait, that yellow hedgehog!" remembered Tails.

"That's right Tails! Ben… do you know anything of a yellow hedgehog?" asked Sonic.

"Noe… wee'd better bee on the lookout thoeugh…" said Ben ominously.

The people were crowded around the four in the wreckage. They stared at them, most in shock, unable to move.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEIR EYES?!" cried a hijab-bound woman, citing the connection of the animals' eyes to one another.

"Wee'd better get aeutta here. Quick, revv up!" demanded Ben.

The four hedgehogs revved up their legs into eights, and sped down the streets of Damascus. They quickly left the city, entering the open desert.

"Hey Sonic, why didn't we just do this before?" asked Tails.

"Well Tails, back then we weren't aware that Ben Shapiro was a hedgehog!" said Sonic.

"Neeither waes Ei," said Shapiro.

As they continued to run, they suddenly were stopped by an immense explosion, throwing them into the ground.

"Not again!" cried Tails.

"خذ القنافذ وسرق عيونهم!" they heard in the distance.

Suddenly, many men dressed in black sweats and NIKE® brand tennis shoes came for them in all directions. The four were unable to get up due to the damage of the explosion, and so were left to have their hands and feet bound and their bodies taken to a nearby cave.


	5. Chapter V: Destroy All Humans

SOMEWHERE IN ARABISTAN

Ben suddenly shot awake. Looking around, he could barely make out where he was, as everything was quite blurry within the already dark room. Over by a better-lit wall, he could see a goat that seemed to be quite depressed. Ben could only stare as the goat went over and pulled up a wooden stoll, getting on top of it as it tied a rope to a hook on the ceiling. It formed a perfect noose with the rope, and then stuck its head into the hole. The goat then shot itself.

"Ugh… whaere am eye?" asked Ben, sounding like he was drunk or some shit.

He looked beside him, seeing Sonic tied to a chair, much the same way Ben was. Ben tried to resist getting a boner and then looked to his other side, where he saw a very pregnant Knuckles much in the same manner, just as he let out a big wet fart.

Ben began rumbling within his chair, attempting to get free. Though it seemed his constant complaints of how Anti-Semitic this whole situation was were enough to alert the guards upstairs. Coming down with baseball bats, they beat the I **ndividual of Hebrew descent** until he was nearly out cold again.

"Stahp!" demanded Ben, barfing up gallons of blood from his mouth.

"Like, what do you want man?" said one of the ISIS members, in a very American "surfer-dude" accent.

"Wait, aere you from _AEMERICA?_ " cried Ben, in shock of hearing the man's voice.

"Yeah man, like, fuck the government, man! At least _ISIS_ lets me marry my boyfriend!" said the surfer dude, leaning over to kiss the other ISIS member on the lips, who then blushed and recoiled in embarrassment.

"ALLAHU AKBAR!" screamed another ISIS member who had come down to the dungeon of doom just as this gay-kiss took place. He then proceeded to rip the two faggots to shreds with his machine gun, getting blood all over the four hedgehogs, who were now awake. The ISIS member walked up to Knuckles, stroking his pregnant belly in deep thought.

"Well well well, looks like we're going to need some coat hangers!" said the ISIS member, planning to abort Knuckles's baby.

"NO! NOT MY BABY!" cried Knuckles.

"Hey," said Sonic, now free of his chair and standing behind the ISIS member, "you wanna abort my friend's baby, you should move to Alabama first!"

The man tried to gun down Sonic, mostly because he knew Sonic was gay, but Sonic was too quick, and did a spin dash into the man, ripping him to pieces instantly.

"Damn, someone order Hamantaschen?" said Sonic, making the room erupt with laughter (some ISIS members could also be heard giggling upstairs). Ben in particular started laughing so hard, he fell over in his chair and all his rings fell out!

"Guys, I have a poopy diaper again," said Knuckles.

"It's okay Knuckles! We'll get some more soon! But first, let's GET OUTTA HERE!" said Sonic enthusiastically. The three other hedgehogs did their special spin dash attacks to free themselves from the binds of the chair, and all raced on out of the building.

BIKINI BOTTOM

The city was quiet, except for those who were not being quiet. This was suddenly stopped when a large gathering of citizens crowded around a podium, where stood the great Spongebob the Hedgehog. Behind him were yellow flags with white circles and a black flower pattern within each circle, and he had the same design as an armband (which he had bedazzled).

"CITIZENS OF BIKINI BOTTOM!" boomed the yellow hedgehog, "I HAVE RETURNED TO YOU FROM THE SURFACE WORLD, WHERE I NOW HOLD GREAT POWER WITHIN ME!"

The citizens were deeply engaged with Spongebob's powerful voice, almost hypnotized.

"REMEMBER: IT WAS ONLY EIGHTY YEARS AGO THAT OUR GREAT CITY WAS OCCUPIED BY THE VICIOUS MIGHT OF THE NAZI EMPIRE! THOUGH THEY TRY TO DENY IT, THOSE NAZIS WERE _HUMAN_! IT WAS _HUMANS_ WHO OCCUPIED US! AND WE WILL _NEVER FORGET_!"

The citizens were cheering in full agreement. "Wtf I hate humans now lmao" was the most common response among them.

"AND SO I SAY THIS: I SAY WE MARCH INTO _THEIR_ LAND, AND OCCUPY _THEM_! AND WE WILL SHOW THEM THE SAME DESTRUCTION THEY GAVE US DURING THEIR PETTY "SECOND WORLD WAR"! ALSO, I HATE _ISRAEL_!"

At first the crowd was just disorganized yelling and screaming, but soon they became organized in yelling "DEATH TO ISRAEL! DEATH TO ISRAEL!"

"ISRAEL IS THE HEART OF THE HUMAN WORLD! THE HUMAN RELIGION CLAIMS THAT THE JEWS WERE THE CHOSEN PEOPLE OF THIS "GOD" CHARACTER! AND SO I SAY WE DESTROY THESE "CHOSEN PEOPLE" TO SHOW _ALL_ HUMANS THAT WE MEAN BUSINESS!"

The crowd began repeatedly singing "Takin' care a' business!", before going back to chanting "DEATH TO HUMANITY! DEATH TO ISRAEL!"

THE DESERT, ARABISTAN

As the four hedgehogs were running aimlessly in the desert, Ben suddenly stopped and grabbed his head.

"Ben, what are you doing? My shit is leaking out of my diaper, I need new ones quick!" said Knuckles.

"Eye… Eye theenk I've just haed a vision…" said Ben ominously.

The three other hedgehogs gathered around him, concerned.

"Thaet… thaet yellow hedgehaeg! I saw him! In the vision!" declared Ben.

The three animals jumped back in shock, covering their mouths with their hands.

"But… what else did you see?" asked a scared Tails.

"Hee… hee was leading a croewd… saeying… 'Death to Israel! Death to Israel!'"

The three animals were in complete shock. Tails began bawling, and Knuckles took off his diaper and started punching his logs of shit in anger.

"Wha… what does it mean?" asked Sonic.

"Wee knew hee wuz plotting with Iran to destroy Israel, but noew it seems hee haes the suppoert of all Bikeenee Boettom!" cried Ben.

"What the hell's that?" yelled Knuckles, before going back to punching his shit and grunting.

"It is his hoeme… it seems hee wishes to destroey all humaenitee, staerting with Israel!" said Ben.

"Why? Why Israel? Why the greatest country on earth?" asked a crying Tails as he fondled his breasts.

"Well, if I know my Torah, and by Yahweh I do, I'd venture to guess he rightly sees the Jews as God's chosen people, and so killing them will supposedly make all humanity see how serious he is about killing us all!" said Sonic.

"But wait," said Knuckles, taking a break from making his shit smoothie, "we're all Hedgehogs, right? So we'll be fine, won't we?"

"Noe…" said Ben, "I beleeve hee oenly sed thaet to win over the people of bikeenee boettom… Eye feer his goal is too wipe out _all_ land creetures! Staerting with da Jews!"

The four of them were in disbelief and did not know what to do.

"We can't take on the combined forces of Bikini Bottom and Iran with just the four of us!" said Tails.

"We need allies," said Knuckles, "Other than Israel, our greatest of course, we have none."

Ben continued to look down, but then slowly looked toward the sunset very dramatically.

"Noe… thaere is anoether…"


End file.
